The Question I Will Never Ask
Updated: Jul 28, 2020
There really are no words to describe the feelings of uneasiness when the questions started pouring in. The inquiries. Curiosities. To which I honestly did not know the answers. Many times trying to hold back the tears. With every ounce of my energy. Forcing the most believable smile I could present. More often than not, tossing out my “go-to” response: “We have definitely talked about it.” It just had that “feel” to it that seemed to cover all bases. With the ability to prompt a quick end to the conversation, but in a polite and courteous kind of way.
Because, the truth was, we were closing in on nearly a year of looking for answers ourselves. Wondering why things weren’t happening. Watching others go through the entire journey of discovering they were going to be blessed with a new addition to their family…all the way to celebrating the actual birth, while we were left watching from the sidelines. Hoping. Wishing. Praying.
And to be honest, doubting. Wondering. With wavering faith.
The questions? They never slowed down. We were at that “perfect” age. Two years into marriage. Both with strong, full-time jobs. Settled for several years into a more-than-respectable first-time home. Everyone else knew it just as much as we did…
“When are you two going to start giving those parents of yours some grandkids?”
“So, when are you two going to start popping out that basketball team of yours?”
“It’s about time that you two got started on a family of your own, huh?”
Most people only had wonderful intentions, despite the sarcasm felt in some of their words. We knew that. But, it didn’t lessen the sting. Left behind in our hearts. And doubting minds. At times, the words came our way one-on-one, in sweet and genuine conversation. At other times, the questions were tossed our way in front of clueless groups, not knowing that we were most definitely hoping and praying for our very own blessing from Above.
While we did not have the same struggle as others we know, it was more than enough to come to the realization that achieving the goal of becoming parents, and having the large family we had always dreamed of, was beyond a blessing. We learned that questioning others the way we had been questioned at times, was something from which we would withhold from, unless in private.
And when our firstborn did arrive? Perfect. We initially learned of her presence on Christmas Eve. Eight years, almost to the day, that my husband and I met. Her grand entrance into the world? The day before my younger brother’s birthday, who passed away just shy of turning one-year-old. I couldn’t imagine a grander gift to give to my own mother, than the chance to hold her first grandchild, the first baby she had held since her own son’s death, 25 years prior. In my heart, I could not believe just how much I had let my faith falter. Because, just as He always promises to each-and-every-one of us, His plan is always far greater than anything we could imagine for ourselves.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11
For just as much as Mother’s Day is such a beautiful and incredible day of merriment and blessings abound to so many of us; for others, it is a stern reminder of struggle. Hurt. Unanswered prayers. Wondering. A day that some would just assume skip, altogether. My hope in sharing this post? First and foremost, to serve as a remembrance to celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Treasure the day together. Honor those who are mother-figures in your lives. But at the exact same time, I hope and pray that these words will also bring deeper understanding and empathetic mindfulness. That, for many, Mother’s Day is also a daunting reminder. Of long-term struggles with fertility. Of lives lost before setting foot on Earth. Of unanswered questions.
Today, I pray. That as women and mothers, with such a special holiday set to embark upon us, we work overtime to be more compassionate. Understanding. And respectful of one another’s feelings. To keep in the back of our minds, that through each of our lives there are blessings, as well as heartaches. For those struggling with the attainment of motherhood, the topic can be an extremely sensitive one. And to keep in mind, that when the topic does arise in conversation, to try our best to handle it delicately and carefully, taking into account the sometimes fragile spirits of those around us.
And to remember, that becoming a mother is an incredible gift. One that is unmatched. Unconditional. Rewarding beyond words. For some, yearning for that experience in their own lives can cause indescribable vulnerability. And being questioned about it can be one of the worst experiences to encounter as a woman, who feels as though she is failing. For most of us, we have an inherent desire to nurture, and using that ability to console and support a family member or friend who is in the midst of just-such an experience, can mean the absolute world to her.
If you are struggling with fertility and would like an additional prayer warrior on your side, those are some of my absolute favorite intentions to share with our Creator above. Please feel free to email me: firstname.lastname@example.org. I would be honored to share your name with Him each day.