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  • Writer's pictureeaspenner

The Bittersweet Beauty of Surrender

If you’ve ever had a relapse with your anxiety, you just know.

You know the wave of exhaustion.

You know the unshakable fear.

You know the whirling mind and racing heart.

You know the glass-box feeling—looking outside to the rest of the world moving forward, as you feel completely frozen, stuck inside.

If you’ve ever had a relapse with your anxiety, you just know.

You know the uphill battle facing you in the days ahead. You know the closed-circuit of whirling thoughts that just won’t seem to settle down. You know that your fears are irrational, but you just can’t stop them from inundating your weary body, heart, mind and soul.

If you’ve ever had a relapse with your anxiety, you just know.

Just what a setback a relapse can be.

For your mind.

For your heart.

For your soul.

Completely and utterly disheartening.

Insides entangled in a seemingly undoable knot. Analyzing and internalizing. Moving through your “normal” motions for the rest of the world to see.



Taking care of everything and everyone.

Just like you supposed to.

Until that feeling of being "stuck" is just too much to bear. Trying to control anything and everything surrounding. Desperately attempting to keep a grasp on life.

Yet, so totally overwhelmed in doing so, that

you push yourself into a whirling life rut,

"passively waiting". Unaligned, and so distracted, that you can't even find your voice to cry out for His help to place you back on-track and in-stride with Him, and His pace, once more.

Unwanted feelings.

Unwelcome uneasiness.

Unexpected fears and uncertainties.

Over the years, I have learned, that there is truly only one way to push through the ceaseless worries, freezing your entire being in the enemy's relentless grasp.








Fully giving in.

To the tears.

To the racing heart.

To the knotted stomach.

To the tears.

To the fears.

Falling to my weary knees. Staring the enemy's lies right in the face. Pulling away from the distractions feeding the lies. And holding my arms up for the truth. Because what the enemy doesn’t ever fully understand is that God’s already got this under control. He already knows the outcome. He's already agreed to carry the burden. He’s already winning the battle, both in my name, and in each of yours.

So very often, when life feels at its heaviest, we tend to grab our loads even more tightly; instead of laying them at His feet. Until it becomes heavier and heavier--stealing our sleep; our peace-of-mind; our joy and our faithful spirit.

But, God?

Our God is not a Father Who abandons.

Our God is a Father Who seeks.

Who finds.

Who heals.

Who fights.

Who rescues.

Who redeems.

Even when we cannot find the words to say,

Our God is a Father Who listens straight to

our hearts, whispering cool, refreshing, calming, soothing truth, straight into our weary souls:

"My child, it's time to hand over this burden. It’s not yours to carry. It never was. Let go, and go rest your soul now. "


Letting go, and giving it ALL to the only

One Who has the strength to carry you through.

If you’ve ever had a relapse with your anxiety, you just know.

The scary, powerful, redemption of surrender.





"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

(Exodus 14:14)

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