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I l.o.v.e. scriptures. They never fail. They are the pillars that support us in our times of need. A sprinkle of sunshine. A message of hope. There is one for every. possible. need. I have several scriptures posted at various places around our home. One of my a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e. favorite scriptures is hanging right next to the handle, front-and-center, on our refrigerator door. It fits so perfectly into my life in so many ways. It is what I read before pressing the “post” button to share my blog publically for the very first time. And I have shared it with several close friends in their times of need…
“He said, ‘Do not fear, greatly beloved, you are safe. Be strong and courageous!’ When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, ‘Let my Lord speak, for you have strengthened me.” ~Daniel 10:19
Courageous. Strong. Two characteristics that I would not normally use to describe myself. Fearful? Yes. Meek? More like it. I have spent years and years letting fear and anxiety control my life. And although I know with all my heart it was a journey I was meant to travel to get to where I am now, I still carry a heavy amount of guilt for not being more faithful. Because where there is fear, there is no room for faith. And I never even realized it. A bit shameful on my part.
Once I began this new path, with an open, accepting, strong and courageous heart and soul, fear has taken much more of a back seat in my life. At the tail end of my shadow. And I know I still have a lot of growing still to do. But that’s what excites me. Instead of breaking down and crumbling when presented with an unsettling situation, I am able to say, “Okay, God, let’s do this. I know you’ve got this under control.” And what. a. weight. off. my. shoulders. it. has. been.
Last Friday, I wrote a post. Friday night. Close to 10:00. I felt a rush. So I hopped on the computer, and it was the e.a.s.i.e.s.t. post I have written in weeks. Less than fifteen minutes, and it was finished. But the thing is, I still haven’t shared it. Because of that lingering four-letter word. F.e.a.r. I was actually pretty upset with myself, because I had promised a blogger (who has been through similar experiences) that I was going to share it this past week, and I just couldn’t. Because I was afraid of what others might think of me. Especially those who I see every day.
The post was about my anxiety. And how, most especially through my pregnancies and post-partum experiences, it absolutely ruled my life. And how if I could go back in time, I would have let more people in. To know what was going on. Because I never asked for help. I faced it mostly alone. With a very small and quiet support system surrounding me. And I thank God for those angels-on-Earth every day.
Fear is only a feeling. It is not a monster. It is a barrier. A defense-mechanism. A shield. It is something that can be diminished. Especially if you call its bluff. But, it takes time. And a lot of faith. Daniel was full of faith. A true role model for me. I know I will experience many more “lions’ dens” of my own. But, I know now that I come prepared. With the greatest Protector and Guardian of all.